Closure

Master was in town this weekend. We had a good time talking, discussing what'd gone on with us, what's been happening in our lives. The first evening i spent talking with him i didn't want to leave. For a few moments it was as if we were the same that we'd been months ago. Though it didn't last long. And the second evening was much as the same. Just talking about things, the movie '300', the historical inaccuracies and why they were put into place.

A friend of mine asked me later about it, why i'd even gone. Closure, that's why i went, why i talked to him. We had a good time together, got a great deal accomplished on both ends of the spectrum. But we've in many ways moved on. Though i'm still welcome back at any time. Which at some level is nothing short of astounding.

He asked me if i was happy. I told him that happiness right now is not a priority. Right now my concern is re-establishing myself and my life. Which is going very well.

Times and people and circumstances change. We've both moved on in our lives. And i for one am enjoying it. Though at the same time, i desperately wish i could go back to the way we were. A good friend of mine said once the other day, 'the honeymoon lasts three months, then life takes over'. Well, we had a good bit longer than three months. And they were the happiest of my life. But now it's definitely time to move on. I'm still standing by my conviction of taking care of my education i ever commit with another man.

Though if there was a way to turn it all back, i'd do it all over again. And not change a thing. The time spent with him is something i'll treasure forever.

It's time to move on, though.

shayla

Snarky

That's what Master Rick calls me when i'm playful, or am teasing him. Anymore it's a very good thing for me.

For too long i've been sinking into a jittery, nervous introvert. Something that i've hated being and haven't been able to keep from happening.

But lately that's been changing. I'm able to laugh more. Both at the world around me and at myself. I'm able to be more confident and more likely to speak up. More like my old spunky self.

I love it, i love seeing it in myself and knowing i'm on the right track.

Though i'm starting to accumulate the swats on the rear again from Master Rick. Which is a good and bad thing. Good, because it shows that i'm getting my confidence back, and bad, because i still tease too much. If i keep it up for too long i think i'm going to wind up at 14 swats again. I think there's a sub-clause somewhere in our relationship that i get tossed out of an airplane every time i reach that #14.

But that's not stopping me from having fun in life again. This sticking my head in the sand's not something i like.

shayla

Friday the 13th

Some people approach this day with dread. You know, bad luck, black cats, & assorted other superstitions that may/may not have any real merit. My former mother in law wouldn't even leave the house. Personally, i've always liked Friday the 13th's. They've always turned out really well.

Today was a perfect example. I got to work early, looked and felt good on the way there. It wasn't too busy, wasn't too slow. My co-workers & i had a laugh or two about various things. I was able to de-fuse two or three irritated callers, making a negative experience into a positive one. There were a number of tasks that i was able to get taken care of. I got paid (which is always nice).

And i also got pulled into the manager's office; one person in a succession of about a dozen. Maria's relatively new, & has been 'cleaning house', so to speak. In a very pro-active manner. so when it was my turn i thought it was just going to be some more fact-finding; what i thought of things, what i thought needed improved upon & so forth. The ladies before me walked in with worried faces, & then walked out with smiles & the cryptic phrase, 'you'll find out', when asked what was discussed. What i was not anticipating was the merit raise i got, which was much higher than i'd imagined. And me not even there for three months yet. No little 5% or nickel here.

And after work i took care of a few things (only one job today, y'know), & had enough daylight to go for a nice hard long walk. Which is something i've been needing more of. This job's pretty sedentary, & i think i can feel my butt get bigger by the day.

This evening i've got time to myself, time to de-fuse & relax. And i've got a date tomorrow night.

I hope yours went as well for you...

shayla

'This Is a Beauty'

Among the hand-made Christmas ornaments, the dozens of photos, & the knick knacks i acquired while in Boise last month, i came across this news clipping i don't remember having seen before.

It's old, quoted from something printed back in 1975...

'This Is a Beauty'

When my daughter started to date we talked about being beautiful. I suggested to her that the truly 'beautiful people' are not necessarily in the jet set but in the soul set. I even suggested several time-tested beauty hints:

• For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
• For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
• For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
• For poise, walk with the knowledge that you will never walk alone.

And one of these days some guy just might say, "Gee, baby, you're beautiful." He might even want to marry you.

Which, i think, are very good points. Something all of us can work on.

shayla

Country

I’m pretty much a city girl. I like to be near things, with not much drive time when I go somewhere. In neighborhoods where it’s just a few steps to your neighbor’s house. So the 30-minute commute necessary to get to work and vital things like the store, restaurant, movie theater & clubs is something that I’m still getting used to.

Kathy’s a country girl. She grew up in a house just down the street from where she lives, and can’t imagine living in a city neighborhood. A while back we were driving through a neighborhood and she commented about how living in a house with the neighbors so close would drive her crazy. It’s surprising that we’re as close as we are.

Living out here’s got its drawbacks. The road that I use for my exercising has snakes (yes, the poisonous kind) in the swamps next to it. And the fields along the road are scarred from the packs of wild pigs that come out at night rooting for insects. And then there’s the drive every day. I plan my errands so I only have to go into town once in a day, otherwise my gas bill would be worse than what it is.

Though it’s certainly got its good points. At night the stars come out far more brilliantly and easily seen than they ever do in town. And it’s awfully quiet out here. There are plenty of new experiences. Earlier this afternoon I rode Kathy’s horse for the first time. It was wonderful, I’d not been on a horse for close to 20 years (now that’s a comment that will make a woman feel old). And earlier I took the 4-wheeler out. Me, on a machine like that, I’d never have imagined. It was just a short trip down the street and back, but I did open it up all the way. All that wind in my face was exhilarating.

And a few weeks ago Kathy’s father had his gator out here to help us fix the fence. A gator is a 6-wheeled…ATV? Thing? Whatever. But it’s two-seated, with a bin in the back for tools, hay, & so forth. That night when I got home from work Kathy came in with a grin on her face & told me to get a warm jacket that could get muddy, & said that we were going for a ride. OK, no problem. Of course it’s dark & cold & windy. And she leads me to this green six-wheeled thing and we sit down. Wow. She drove that down the dirt road where we take our walks, swerving to hit every mud puddle we could. She had it going as fast as it could while we were doing it. Mud went everywhere on the gator, into the grass, on us. We were gone close to an hour, and it was one of the funnest things I’ve ever done. Later that night she & her fiancee took it out even farther. And got stuck in the mud up to its hubs. Even now, two months later, you can still see the ruts where they'd coaxed it out.

The interesting thing is Kathy’s dogs ran with us as escort. I think we might have been going 25 – 30 mph, & those two dogs were matching us in speed the whole way. Of course, Molly, the short-legged mixed breed (I don’t have a clue what she’s got in her), got tired, so she got to ride in the back on the way home. Lucky, on the other hand, I think is part horse. Because he ran along with us the entire way, and still wasn’t tired by the time we got home. I was laughing the whole time.

Another nice thing about being out here is the quiet. At night the air is moist and sweet-smelling, with thousands of crickets and frogs chirping and singing in the back-ground. And if you've never seen a clear night sky at least 25 miles away from a major city, you need to go and do so. Tonight. It's incredible, and you'll be wondering why you'd not gone out earlier to see it.

It’s inconvenient as heck being out this far, but it certainly has its good points.

Shayla