Drowning
'Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes one feel as you might whena drowning man holds unto you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. '
Master Rick sent me that quote of Anais Nin's a few weeks ago. At first i took it personally; it was as though he'd punched me in the stomach, and i reacted accordingly. After a mild scolding (& another swat promised to me. I think i'm close to another trip at this rate) he set me straight on what he had been doing. He merely wanted to bring my attention to something.
In the past few months i've been relaxing, no longer as nervous and touchy as what i used to be. I can laugh at myself again. And over time i've been getting better. Yes, there's been greiving and trying to figure out what/where i am in my life. My birthday was met with a tremendous amount of confusion; where is a person supposed to be at 36 in our society?
The time that i've been with Roxy here has really helped me to accept myself for what i am, with no apology. I'm set apart from my co-workers at my jobs because i don't see fit to idly gossip about things that have no real import. At the same time i'm more able to laugh at myself and life, i'm more serious about it.
Whatever positive or negative things that has happened as a result of my time with Marcus, some things i'll take with me forever. My unknown passion for ancient works, literature, dance. Learning how to take care of myself in a way i didn't know i could. The way i carry myself, move, approach people.
My time with Marcus was priceless, irreplacable. But that quote is still ringing in my head. I've let go, but he's still there.
shayla
Master Rick sent me that quote of Anais Nin's a few weeks ago. At first i took it personally; it was as though he'd punched me in the stomach, and i reacted accordingly. After a mild scolding (& another swat promised to me. I think i'm close to another trip at this rate) he set me straight on what he had been doing. He merely wanted to bring my attention to something.
In the past few months i've been relaxing, no longer as nervous and touchy as what i used to be. I can laugh at myself again. And over time i've been getting better. Yes, there's been greiving and trying to figure out what/where i am in my life. My birthday was met with a tremendous amount of confusion; where is a person supposed to be at 36 in our society?
The time that i've been with Roxy here has really helped me to accept myself for what i am, with no apology. I'm set apart from my co-workers at my jobs because i don't see fit to idly gossip about things that have no real import. At the same time i'm more able to laugh at myself and life, i'm more serious about it.
Whatever positive or negative things that has happened as a result of my time with Marcus, some things i'll take with me forever. My unknown passion for ancient works, literature, dance. Learning how to take care of myself in a way i didn't know i could. The way i carry myself, move, approach people.
My time with Marcus was priceless, irreplacable. But that quote is still ringing in my head. I've let go, but he's still there.
shayla
posted by shayla | 4:29 PM
1 Comments:
I hope your ok you have not posted in a long time. I hope that your doing well and growing. I guess you don't get around a computer that much. Let us know how your doing when you get a chance.
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