The Plan

One of the things I’m wanting to accomplish is re-establish my life and career. While I’ve loved being with Master, loved being in his home, I’ve also missed being in the medical field. Even now, after three years of being away from it, the phlebotomist in me still drools when I see good, firm veins in a person’s arm.

So my plan is this: Get a couple jobs, take care of a few lingering debts (owing money’s always nagged at my psyche..must be the Aquarian blood), get a vehicle & a little savings, then get some further education under my belt; and get a decent job where I can really firmly establish myself. One of the local hospitals here has got an excellent surgical technician program that I want to enter. And I’m wasting no time in doing this.

Men, another Master? Maybe. Someday. If I can find one I can look up to, who can both understand and discuss Aeschylus, baseball, and Shakespeare; all in the same conversation. For now, though, I’m just going to follow my own agenda.

Oh, and the dancing. I want to learn to dance; both country and belly-dance.

To do this, I’ve started working two jobs. As with most of what I do, there’s more than one reason. #1 is $$$. The more I earn, the sooner I can get things taken care of. #2 is simply to keep my mind occupied. I am practicing the old, tried & true method of burying one’s self in work.

You’d think that I’d be over Master by now. It’s been a month and a half. I still miss him keenly. I still feel alien to the environment I’m in; perhaps I always will. At times it’s really startling, seeing myself do everything that I’ve done in the past six weeks. It’s not easy. I’m dealing with a reality that I never imagined while being with Master. Never once did it enter my head that we’d ever be apart. That simple fact affects everything I do these days. We were, in many ways, one person. Neither of us whole without the other. I was what he’d wanted, an extension of his will. And the separation is something I feel will always be painful, though there’s a part of me that never wants to be over him. And that is something else I need to get over before I can move on as far as relationships go.

So, for now, it’s two jobs; 40 hours a week at one, 25 (give or take) at the other. Keep my diet and exercise up (I’ve re-gained a bit during this time), keep my spirits up, re-establish myself. Make new friends. Slip the dancing in whenever I can. And remember that despite everything, I’m as much a kajira as I’ve ever been.

shayla