Alien

It’s been a few weeks since I left Master. There’ve been some ups and downs, a lot of self-reflection and really looking at what I am, what I want in life. I’ve taken a good look at how I want to do things, how I want to restructure my life.

But part of my difficulty’s been in observing all the other women and relationships in the world, and how men approach me. It’s really surprising, I’d not ever noticed it as clearly as I am now.

One of the first things I’ve noticed is the couples, the maneuvering and power plays that they consider to be ‘normal’, while I wouldn’t normally think of it. Yes, at my worst, I’ve done my own share of maneuvering. And when I pulled my head out of my ass and really looked at how I was behaving with my Master, I was every bit as shocked and ashamed at myself. And did my utmost to keep it from happening, though I slipped far more than what I’d like to think about.

Women that I work with will sit and complain about how their husbands don’t share the load, getting upset over (to me) the most trivial things. One lady I work with morphed an innocent comment about men wearing pink into a political statement, talking down about men in the process (personally, I believe that only a man who is uncomfortable in his own masculinity would be at all uncomfortable wearing pink). And everywhere there’s women being jealous about their men, talking to them in public in a manner I can’t even conceive of. A friend of mine opens doors for me and calls me ma’am. I know that he respects me as the woman I am and is simply treating me accordingly. Ok, he’s Southern, Cajun to boot, which just adds to the genteel manners, but that ‘ma’am’ always sends shivers up my spine.

I’m not making an attempt to judge, merely pointing out my surprise at the difference. This is the world we live in & everyone’s different. Really different. I’m the different one, radically so. It’d never really come home to me just how until I’ve been out here. I offer to help out at my friend’s, however she or her fiancée might need. Try to ensure that I’m doing the honorable thing, in whatever I’m doing, and do my best to keep my integrity the way it should be. Mind my own business and not poke my nose in where it’s not invited. But what’s interesting is just how different I am than the rest of the women in today’s society.

The trip to Los Angeles was a perfect example. Yes, Rick’s wife’s ill. But even then, I still saw to it that Rick was taken care of before I ever took care of myself. Did as he requested of me without question (he’s like Master, he doesn’t ‘command’, merely requests. Similar to a General ‘asking’ a Private to get him a cup of coffee), paid attention to what he was saying. No disrespect to Rick’s wife, or any other woman, simply a difference between free women and I.

shayla