Down side

This being away from Master’s got its ups and downs. Right now I’m having a very down evening. I’ve got a good job, have close friends who’re supporting me in what I’m doing. I’m well on the way to getting myself re-established.

And at the same time I feel so isolate from everything I know, as if I’m in an entirely different world than what I’m used to. Even the food’s radically different. Everything is changed. Master’s told me a few times that sometimes life is like being in a big lake, lots of outlets, plenty of options, and time to make your choice in what you want to go. And in others it’s like going down rapids, only enough time to react, with no thought as to what’s coming or what’s behind you, and no option except to just ride it out.

That’s what I’m feeling right now, as if things are going too fast to slow down or even look around. I’m doing fine, and I’ll keep on doing fine. Only at the same time I feel as though I’ve lost a limb (or perhaps a head). As if something vitally important is missing. I feel as though I’m cut off from everything I’ve ever known, and the path I’m on is taking me further away from it. And I have an awfully strong feeling of just wanting to go back home, forget all this & just go back to what I’m familiar with. Remember me mentioning homesickness? It’s hitting hard at this stage. Right now I’m scared as hell and just want to sit by myself with a book and not come out of my room until this episode's passed. Which I think I just might do.

shayla