Starting Point

If you’re reading this, you’ve either stumbled upon this blog, or have followed a link to it. Either way, welcome.

I’ve been with my Master for over two years. In that time, there’s been a great deal of growth, a great deal of love and happiness. Why I am no longer with him is immaterial for this entry, or any others. It was just something that needed to be done. Either way, Master is still standing on what he’s said. I’m welcome back at any time, whether that be for a night or for the remainder of our lives.

Leaving has been both hard and necessary. It’s been a little over three weeks since I’ve left, and at times it’s still awfully hard to deal with. I miss him, miss the home that I came from. Homesickness has been nagging me on various levels continuously. The nights have been long and empty. Master’s feet are no longer available to curl up next to when I’m feeling uncertain or need some contact. Strangely enough the knowledge that he’d welcome me back without any question has helped motivate me to continue on the path that I’m on, and comforted me when I’m very scared or uncertain.

There have been one or two people who’ve given me the old cliché, ‘you’ll find somebody else’. Ha. I’m sure I will. Even now, not even a month after leaving my Master’s home, I’ve got four separate men that are actively interested in me. All good catches on various levels. All men that I could walk all over if I chose. For some reason that fact is extremely deflating, killing whatever interest I might otherwise have in them. I have no interest in finding another man. Much of this is because the separation is still fresh, but another is simply that I don’t want to. At this stage, I feel ‘why bother, how could you possibly measure up after who’s owned me for all this time?’ Being in a relationship with another man is something that I’m nowhere near ready for. But that’s something I’ll deal with at a later time.

As it is, things are going well, though slowly. My new life has gotten off to a good start. A long-time friend, who I actually met through Master, has allowed me a place, where I can stay as long as I need or want to, rent-free, with access to a vehicle whenever I need one. I’ve got a good job, where I was hired three days after I left my Master. Luck, I’m sure, played a big part of that, but I also know that I’d not have been hired if I wasn’t able to do the job. And I’ve got a plan, which I fully intend on sticking to. It’ll take two or three years to play out, but I’m going to stick to my guns. When Master and I discussed my leaving, one of the things he said was that I’ve always put everyone else first, and not really done anything for myself. So this period in my life is going to be for myself. Narcissistic? I don’t think so. Merely a period of healing and re-rooting myself, so that I can get firmly established in life again.

I’ve always maintained that my soul is at my Master’s feet. And through this separation, I still feel that way. Much of me will always belong to him.

shayla